is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
