dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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