When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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