shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
