I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
