Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
