i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
