He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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