I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
