The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
