We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
