I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
