I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
