i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
