those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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