He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
