And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
