My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
