I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
