after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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