Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
