beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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