Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
