I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
