I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
