I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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