Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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