I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
