I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
