Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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