oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
