I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
