I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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