My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
