he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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