Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
