I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
