What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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