I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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