btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
