He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize