Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
