I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
