apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
