we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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