Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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