You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize