You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
