Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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