Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is the high leading the old right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I will pee on everything he values.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
