we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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