i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
