I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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