It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
