Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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