he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
