Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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