So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
