My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
