I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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