batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My balls are so social today.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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