i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize