I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
