Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
