I'm passing your future prison.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
