Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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