is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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