these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
