If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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