but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
