what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
