So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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