"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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