I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
jump out the window naked night went bad
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
