:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
