She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
