Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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