I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
