Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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