while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
