i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
